When I am Thinking of Giving Up

Tatay and Steffano (Gudo)

It’s 2 am, just finish giving him his meal through   NGT and dressing his trach neck surgery, and  landed my back in bed  tired  from running here and there  tiredly making sure during the whole day routine that very quarter of the hour his BP and oxygen level were monitored, his medications were prepared and administered carefully and on time,and  making sure he is comfortable in bed to avoid bedsores and back pain.  I was about to shut my eyes, when he cough profusely, I   have  to stand up to make sure his naso – respiratory pipes will not be clogged and no phlegm or sativa on his neck or shirt  before I will go sleep.

Sometimes, I am in hurry to finish my late meal when suddenly, I need to change his diaper, oh oh. I am upset and tired sometimes, also bored already smelling the antiseptic   and sterilized odor of the hospital, or washing  his  soiled clothes and towels with whatever bodily mucus on it.  Do I have to run away? But where?  Who will do it. The only consolation that I must remind myself, hey young man, he did not complain when your young and helpless. Thank God, the Cowboy is my father. He will be home soon, he misses it, and hr. keeps on telling me through lip reading his lips as he tried to speak but voice will come out that he is hungry and craving food though I just feed him to NGT and he is already complaining he is hungry, I know the ordeal because I went through the same situation ages ago. I feel guilty, eating with so much gusto, savor the flavor and aroma but he can’t.  Hope soon he will get better and better. Today is raining and the people are busy preparing the field for sowing and planting  seeds,  as it is the beginning of the planting season, it is also another beginning for Cowboy and me, it’s is almost 4 am. Wanted to doze off and take a nap for an hour or two we will start the same routine again and hope there will be some miracles to happen as we worked on it to happen with the HIS healing mercies.

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