Ordinary, Extraordinary People: BISHWA NATH GHIMIRE, A Brahmin Championing Child Rights in Nepal

Bishwa Nath Ghimire, and his son Umanga

Nepal  is  patriarchal society and one of the world's less developed nation, like  any other less develop country, child rights  advocacy is lagging despite of the society's effort to advance it. Socio-cultural factors and poverty remains an issue, early child marriage, gender disparity and child labour are just some of it.  In a male dominated society, we will rarely find men doing child rights advocacy,  but I meet few of these men, but among the few, only a gem of them have the passion in their works, most of them are there for monetary reason only that despite of the effort to advance child rights in a patriachial society it is dragging due to the lack of passion. However, a very young promising Nepali father, who comes from well respected clan in Lamjung, Nepal is doing it differently.  Bishwa Nath Ghimire, coming from a Brahmin family always does it with passion. He has vision for his country that is totally hampered development is due to so many social-cultural factors. Currently, working for World Vision International - Nepal as field education specialist in the Central Office, he devotes his free time doing community work and his family.  Below is the excerpt of   the interview about the state of chill right in Nepal as well as his stands on it.

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He cross river and climb mountains but never get tired of his advocacy, even along the way he stops and talks with children.

        First of all thank you obviously for your time. what are you trying to accomplish  as a child right advocates and why you choose this advocacy especially in this very patriarchal society Nepali society? Thank you a lot for providing me an opportunity to share my ideas, knowledge and experiences. At present I am trying to have such a society competent with child protection mechanism. I have chosen this advocacy as I had gained different knowledge about child rights from my school life. I used to actively participate in different activities related to child rights and I was tempted to work on child right related issues. However this is patriarchal Nepali society, still there is the discrimination even to their children in terms of gender. I am struggling to minimize this through my advocacy with mother's group, child clubs, father's group, and political leaders as well as different stakeholders. As I know development is a long process but the concept of the people cannot be change easily but I am hopeful in future days that we will have such utopian society.

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What kind of a sense have you been able to get so far in terms of how severe the crisis of children right in Nepal and what actually needs to be done to help out? As being developing country there are many socio political crisis in the field of child right. Some of the issues are traditionally going on and some of the issues are changed with the emerging technology. Here are the problems of identity issues of newly born babies if the baby is born after unidentified father. For this I have fought a lot to get the citizenship of one child but he was not allowed to get such citizenship unless his father is identified as his mother was deaf and dumb and she could not tell who her husband was. Here is discrimination for children in terms of gender, caste, disability. There are school dropout children as well as out of school children. Child labour is another issue. In some villages child marriage is taking place. Beside this due to technology drug addiction is also emerging. Due to political influence the people who are engaged in child abuse are freely working as they pressurized the victim and some time they tempt by offering good job or money.  Child trafficking and organ selling of children is another issue in Nepal. As you know Nepal has been engaged in civil war and the  children affected from conflict are not properly addressed and being open boarders many  Indians come to Nepal with their children and they are earning money with their parents and they are deprived of getting education. Due to hand mouth problem there are some children who are working in sex market and they are sexually and physically exploited. There are some children who are engaged in domestic labour too. Government of Nepal has granted abortion of child but people are identifying children and doing abortion in terms of gender.  So intensive planning for the children is needed. As federal system is gradually being implemented hence we should encourage government bodies to open child care home in each municipality and rural municipality. There must be counselling center in each state and district where children who involve in addiction and other serious issues can be kept there.  Social security amount for unidentified children, disable children should be granted.

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Do you think that the global community has a responsibility to address that? Obviously it is the global responsibility as there are some cross boarder issues as Nepali children are sold in Indian market for circus and even they are sold in other countries for their organ transplant. Being developing country, Nepal has mainly focused in providing basic infrastructure and child right issue is in shadow so for creating awareness, providing fund and developing such core programme to reach vulnerable children is the support needed from the global community.

· What would the message that you would want to carry out in Nepal or even the message that you would want to get out internationally in terms of what's happening about children rights  in Nepal and how serious it is and the consequences that could happen in the future if it's not properly addressed? Nepal is gradually working on child rights. Child Friendly Local Governance is being practiced but its only working on policy level too. But this is limited in policy level only. Many villages are declared with Child Friendly but after declaration there is no follow up being done. Nepal has granted the abortion for unwanted baby but in terms of gender people are trying to abort the child and it is being secretly so this must be another issues to be raised outside of the world. Many children are without citizenship as there parents are unidentified and in Nepal unless we have citizenship we are not allowed to work anywhere so my advocacy can be for granting them the identity. For this right based approach must be done.

· On a personal level why is this so important to you ... you willing to risk your life for this advocacy? The constitution of Nepal has clearly mentioned that any child born inside Nepal and the children who are unidentified but are in Nepal are the children of Nepal but the government is not easily giving the citizenship. To get citizenship they must show their father and mother. Here is the contradiction between the policy and practicality. Hence I am eventually working for this with some organizations to raise voice against this.

·  Do you think that you in your position  right now  working  for  a globally recognized  and influential organization you can try to push this process forward put ... pressure perhaps on the

Nepali  government to push for stricter implementation of the children rights? Definitely our organization is working on child right issues. Last year our organization conducted one campaign It Takes Nepal to End Child Marriage and it was inaugurated by the president of Nepal. It brought positive vibes within the organization as well as in the community. World Vision Nepal has its project for child protection. We are working for child rights and birth registration and other issues are taken seriously and we are doing advocacy in the local and national level and we are hopeful that we can bring child wellbeing. Being child focused organization we are trying to have the life in all its fullness of the children.

 On fatherhood, how central are fathers to childhood development and child education? In a family father and mother both are responsible to rear a child. Many fathers seem very submissive rather than mother. But I think every father has higher duties to perform especially to foster good habit to the children. In Nepalese society mostly fathers are not being responsible to their children as the children's personal hygiene is looked after by mother. She has to feed, bath and look after the baby. But father can support in the family. Being the era of knowledge transformation, hence father can assimilate with his wife and he can look after the baby doing household chores. Even peer reading to the baby can be much influential.  

Do fathers have a different impact depending on the gender of the child? How it will be if you have a girl child? I am totally disagree with this opinion as father is like god and he can not differentiate his children. There are 5 fingers in a hand but they may be long or short and they have their value and importance like in the same way whatever he has either son or daughter he should love them. As I have my son, I am very happy with him but if my baby was daughter I should have loved her like him. Still there are some people with traditional perspectives of their children and many parents will go on giving birth to the babies as they wish baby son. But if I have a girl child I would treat her equally like my son.

 

On the lighter note, how do  you spend quality time  to your child considering your workload when this   is suppose to be the  time that you be a great influence to your child?I am not able to spend my quality time with my family but whenever I will be at home my boy wander around me. He follows me even in the toilet too. I spend most of the time interacting with him. I always encourage him to do new best things and he dazzles me with his works too. During evening time I take him to the neighbor hood so that he could learn things from others. We play together. He is 3 and half years old. I encourage him to sing, dance and tell stories himself. He dances and sings Nepali folk songs. During bed time, he is fond of bedtime stories and I always tell him one story and he starts to make his own stories in his way. Always I try to be exemplary character in front of him. Bed time is the best time to influence my boy as I have sufficient time to concentrate him on my moral stories.

Enjoying quality time with his son, a rare Nepali father's practice.

  What does your experience show about the impact of a father's state of mind on the development of the child?Father has greater responsibility to rear his child. He can foster good discipline and he can make his children more responsible by showing his good character. I have seen many fathers smoking and drinking in front of child, if they do it, it will affect the children psychologically. Children can be shaped as we like and if we are working for them we have to spend our time with them.

 Do you believe on partnership parenting, of course there is an exception to those who are single parents?Definitely I believe on partnership of parenting. As there are many parents who are not able to bear a child and they may have the feeling of parenthood but they may be deprived of loving of children. Hence, if we have child, they are the platform to be loved by everyone as I believe that loving a child by all can be on the shared basis but it is as a whole. Love cannot be divided but love is the matter to be shared. In my organization there are many sponsors and they are like father and mother of Nepali children even they have not seen each other. So, partnership in parenting is not the matter to be measured but the thing is how the parents love their children is greater thing.

Bishwa, and his young  family.

On personal note, what are the joys of fatherhood that you can share to  a very patriarchal society ? It will be funny in the Nepali society to wash the clothes of baby, taking bath to the baby and massaging them by a father but I do all the things. As a result my boy loves me much. In our Nepali context there generation gap between father and son but in my family it is not such. Me and my father as well as me and my son are equally have strong bond. It is joyful to see the progress of children and noticing them their best habits growing gradually. 

Even in his spare time, he does community volunteering  work to advance  children rights.

Volunteers Socio – Cultural and Etiquette Guide in the Philippines

It’s easy to take the way we communicate for granted because it comes so naturally to most of us. But seeing and learning different ways, - not just languages but gestures, manners, and underlying beliefs - can be rewarding and help you make a good first impression among your friends and colleagues.

Greetings:

·        Handshake

   Handare common, but they are friendly, informal soft but friendly handshakes. A strong handshake isn’t necessary to assert yourself. Both men and women often greet one another by shaking hands. When a man meets a woman he usually waits for the woman to offer her hand first. Women sometimes meet and hug one another when they meet. Men sometimes pat each other on the back. Men and women shake hands with everyone present at a business meeting or social occasion and when saying "goodbye."

·        Mano or Amen

Consider using a "mano” or “amen” greeting with elders. Filipino elders are often greeted by taking their right hand and bringing it up to touch your forehead. This is called "mano" or “amen” This is especially important to do with one’s own family members and with those that are extremely elderly.

·        Touching

When one places his or her hand on the forehead of another, this is a sign of respect. But as a rule, touching, especially men touching women, is not well regarded by Filipinos. Carefully observe the degree of comfort and sense of space. Filipinos tend to need a wider personal space.

·        Kissing or beso-beso

The customary kissing or beso - beso as a greeting is inappropriate, as are pats on the back and touching the shoulder until you’ve developed a personal relationship. Though you can observe it between women in some circles. Between men and women, this has been adopted over time but beso-beso between men in the Philippines is a no-no.

Communications, Gestures, Body Language

·        Conversation on the first Meeting

Keep the conversation light and friendly. As with many people all over the world, Filipinos don't necessarily want to talk about politics or serious topics with strangers. Instead, focus your conversations on the joys of life: family, food, and fun. This will make getting to know this new person more enjoyable. In general, Filipinos love to laugh. They do it genuinely, but they also laugh to move away from uncomfortable topics or to break tension. Be aware of this and be willing to change the subject if you notice this cue

When meeting a Filipino for the first time, and you want to make a good impression, maintain a low profile, be friendly without being "artificial" and show a genuine interest in the culture.

·        Giving Direction, Body Language Indicators

Filipinos use a lot of non-verbal communication. Some examples are raising eyebrows or lifting the head upwards slightly to indicate "yes" or to greet friends. It is considered impolite to pass between people conversing or facing one another. If you must do so, the Filipino polite way is to extend an arm or two arms with the hands clasped and pointing downwards. Some gestures that are considered rude are middle finger erect, waving a pointed index finger and pointing at someone.

          If Filipinos don't understand a question,

o   They open their mouths.

o   Raised eyebrows signify recognition and agreement.

o   Laughter may convey pleasure or embarrassment; it is commonly used to relieve tension.

o   "Yes" is signified by a jerk of the head upward. "No" is signified by a jerk of the head down. Since the Filipinos rarely say no, the non-verbal sign for "no" is sometimes accompanied by a verbal yes, which would still indicate "no."

Standing with your hands on your hips means you are angry.

Touch someone's elbow lightly to attract attention. Do not tap on the shoulder.

 Eye contact:

Eye contact is important, especially professionally. It is a good sign of self-confidence. But if a person refuses to or is reluctant to make eye contact, don’t think of the person as rude. It is merely a sign that the person you’re talking to has a certain level of shyness.

o   Staring is considered rude and could be misinterpreted as a challenge, but Filipinos may stare or even touch foreigners, especially in areas where foreigners are rarely seen.

o   A quick lifting of eyebrows is a Filipino greeting.

Hygiene

Being in a tropical country plus the variety of food we eat, body odor is prominent. Due to high humidity, we always perspire and emit our body scents. However, this is one of the major consideration that we should not take for granted especially when we do work in the community. Filipinos are not direct to tell people directly and usually we do this in a form of jokes. We must take the following considerations.

·        Filipinos take a bucket shower every day, some twice a day or will take a half bath especially in the evening before retiring to bed.

·        Deodorant is a must, or use an alum “tawas” that is easily find in the market

·        Change clothes everyday especially the t-shirts or polo before going to work. 

 Usually Filipinos have a “pambahay” clothes that we comfortable wear at home and clothes for work or going to church.

·        In most cases especially in the rural areas where toilet papers are absent, we wash our bum after defecating which is very strange especially people coming from the west.

Home Customs in the Philippines

          Filipinos are very hospitable. They often invite foreigners to their house for meal or put them up for the night. House guests are sometimes offered the master bedroom. Depending on the occasion, people offer gifts like flowers, cakes or fruit or designer products. Gifts are usually opened in front of the giver. People often send a thank you notes or a small gift after being invited to dinner, a social gathering or being a house guest.

o   In rural areas people tend to remove their shoes when entering a home; in urban areas they keep them on. Upon entering a Filipino's home, one must remove one’s shoes, and should put on slippers or tsinelas.

o   Once inside the home, do not wander around, unless you are invited to do so: much of the house is off-limits to guests. If you move from room to room at someone's home, be sure to always allow the more senior members of your party to enter the room ahead of you.

Eating Customs in the Philippines

Meals are regarded as a social experience. There is often a lot of food and a lot of talking. Guests are expected to eat a lot. If one eats heartily it is regarded as a compliment. If one doesn’t eat so much it is considered an insult. When something is offered, Filipinos usually refuse the first time and accept the second time.

o   Table knives are not used. Forks and spoons are used for dining. The food is eaten from a spoon. Many Filipinos eat with fork in the left hand and a spoon in their right hand and push food onto the back of the spoon with the fork. People often eat with their hands, even rice and stews. The traditional method of placing food on a banana leaf and eating with one's hands is also used throughout the country. It is acceptable to eat food with one's hands at restaurants as well as in the home.

o   Forks, spoons, and knives are used with Philippine and Western food. In some Philippine restaurants (the more authentic and usually downscale places), no utensils at all are used. Avoid using your left hand for any kind of eating, especially if you are eating directly with your hands and not using utensils.

o   They also often eat an afternoon snack merienda. On the street food is often served on a banana leaf and drinks in a plastic bag with a straw.

Eating Habits in the Philippines

 A typical Filipino meal consists of a main seafood or meat dish served with soup, vegetables and rice, with tea or coffee. Chicken often has bones in it. Fish often come with the heads attached. In much of the Philippines breakfast, lunch and dinner are same: Filipino-style rice with some pieces of meat and vegetables in it.

o   Filipinos tend to rise early, and breakfast is usually eaten between 6:30am and 8:00am. Merienda is the name of a midmorning and afternoon snack was traditionally served around 10:00 am and at 3:00pm after a siesta. Filipinos are fond of sweet foods, a mixture of instant coffee, evaporated milk, and sugar may be served. Coca-Cola is very popular. Sweet rolls, doughnuts, or a noodle dish may be available.

o   Lunch is traditionally the main meal of the day, and even today, in busy cities, it can still be an elaborate affair with several courses-or it can be a simple noodle dish or fast food bolted down in a matter of minutes. Lunch can also be a light meal with rice and one other dish, often a fish or meat stew. Lunch is served from about 12:00noon to 1:00pm

o   Dinner is served from 6:00pm on, with 7:30pm the customary late time and is usually a fish or seafood dish served with rice and a vegetable dish. Even if the main meal of the day was lunch, dinner is only slightly lighter-this is often the case with families at home. The dinner menu is often like that of the more formal lunch.

Drinking Customs in the Philippines

The drinking age is 21. People who drink too much are regarded as greedy. Women often don't drink. What to do if you don't drink alcohol? This is usually not a problem, since not everyone does, and fruit juices and soft drinks are very popular.

Business Meeting & Management Advice

          Power distance is apparent in Philippine culture. This means that subordinate employees generally accept the hierarchy in companies and have no qualms about being told what to do by their superiors. They will often refer to their higher-ups as “Sir” or “Ma’am”, as opposed to being on a first-name basis. Employees of more prominent multinational companies will try to observe a more Western, egalitarian culture. However, do not be surprised if you are still addressed as such out of habit and as a form of respect.

o   Despite the power distance, managers or bosses are still expected to have a level of cordiality in their dealings. Because Filipinos value interpersonal relationships, they will respond well to positive reinforcement whether verbally or through simple pats on the back. On the other hand, a manager who is too socially detached from his or her team may have trouble getting its full cooperation.

o   As mentioned earlier, food is a huge part of Filipino culture and socialization, so expect business meetings to be conducted over lunch, afternoon snack known as “merienda”, or dinner. When it comes to meetings, the one who initiated or invited is usually expected to foot the bill.

o   Another word of warning for management and organizational development – Filipinos generally find constructive criticism hard to swallow. What may be an effort to give performance evaluation and feedback to improve performance may backfire, as Filipinos are conscious of losing face, especially in front of their peers, colleagues, or superiors. This brings us back to the concept of “hiya” as mentioned earlier.

o   At the end of the day, it is best to keep in mind that Filipinos are very social. You will be able to build a professional relationship founded on trust if you show genuine interest in your business partner, colleagues, or employees as a person and not merely resources of the company they represent or belong to.

MARAWI SIEGE CRISIS: THE PLIGHT OF THE INTERNALLY DISPLACED PEOPLE

The heartland of  crisis, ground zero.

The elderly, children and mothers are the most affected IDPs.

Dr. Wei Teen,  a Singaporean doctor who has a heart for the IDPs  volunteered her services and  resources.

In war there is victory, but no winner only victims! After 100 days since the beginning of the siege in Marawi, the only Islamic city in the Philippines, the action in the ground still going on.  Cadavers  on both sides and  of those caught in between are still awaiting for  burial and proper identifications,  the hype of helping the internally displaced people is  already waning but  in the City of Iligan in Lanao de Norte is still a scene of  cornucopia of characters   coming  from the distress  ground zero, in the market place and other commercial centers  it is a common sight to see men in uniform hurriedly buying supplies, hotels  became lairs of the media hungry for coverage to sensationalize and exclusive coverage, INGOs and local NGOs  cramming to bring help on whatever they think  the IDPs need. Meanwhile most of the government offices in Marawi are now in Iligan renting or occupying a space   for them to do their tasked, unfortunately, the services they can render is limited for they are also IDP’s.

Ash, is an IDP  volunteered to help IDPs.

Thousands of evacuees are randomly scattered all over the periphery of. the ground zero   that spilled over to Iligan City and neighbouring places. However, IDPs are also classified in groups, one is IDP’s who stayed in the designated areas and received a regular supplies or relief either from the government welfare agencies or from private sectors twice a week and most of them are issued with green cards while the others IDPs are classified as home based as they stayed with their friends or relatives but they are the most vulnerable ones and most likely the neglected one. However, I observed in most IDP areas, only women and children are there except for some especially those who stayed in the Evacuation Centers (ECs) the presence of men was evident.

Unidentified cadavers after DNA extraction are readied for mass burial with the aid of  local volunteers.

Nobody expect that the siege will become longer as of most of the IDPs and the locals of Marawi were already use to in - fighting in the area that it will last only for few days or week but the current one already dragged to months. It is a buzz that the crisis will be over, but the stress and the trauma that it causes to the IPDs will linger for years or maybe throughout their lifetime.

In West Pantar in the outskirt of Lanao del Norte along the route to Marawi, we visited a group of IDP’s.  As they lead us to the area where thy start to garden, the war planes and helicopters hover us, as they talked of the when they can go back to their homes and how to rebuild it, and for some there is no home anymore for them to go back. But all of them worry about their income to sustain their living. So, the IDP’s bonded themselves to start gardening but they face challenges too, they have limited tools and no capital to start with aside from the meager resources that they have. But even if they start gardening now hoping that it will help them earned a living, they worry about their day to day existence until their garden start producing.

Arriving at the command center in  Marawi

Home based IDPs living in the garage

In one area, the IDP’s   airs out how they were exploited by greedy individuals who formed groups or by local NGO’s who capitalize them only to get funds and   relief goods only to find out it is a bogus one, that only a certain group can have the funds and divide among themselves but not the IDP’s that they front in getting the funds. Whatta a perk! Thanks for the SAVE MYSELF AND MY FAMILY FOUNDATION! Ask those NGOs where is there community, they cannot bring you to the site instead show you a very grand office and full of staff who are all familial affiliated.

Children, the most vulnerable IDPs.

On the other end, the IDP’s cannot get relief or help or very little only due to logistic reasons over security, they were trapped inside the war zone.

 

A special thanks to Marawi CDRRM local volunteers who assured safety and order during the relief and medical  mission.  Special mentioned  to Revi and  Hanifi Sani.

Our multipurpose vehicle. clinic, if space and location is not available to render services, then we have it.

While visiting EC’s, it looks like a competition of brand, INGOs and local NGO’s have it each own section, deliver what they believed that the IDP’s need only to find out how the IDP’s can use it.  Some facilities though temporary cannot be use.  One of the IDP’s complained, “how can we used the LPG tanks when we cannot afford to buy the gas, we have no money? We are evacuees, we do not have source of income”.

Some also distribute relief or provide   psychosocial support but without considering the cultural context of the IDP’s. It should be taken into consideration also in the delivery of free services. Relief providers complained that the IDP’s sells their supplies, how can we blamed them when they will be given a box of sardines every week and a low-quality rice. Relief givers said that the IDP’s should be grateful that they were given but still complained about it. Come to think of it, if you will eat the same thing all throughout if you too will not complain, I guess there should be variety. On a comedic note, I asked an IDP why complained they complained that they were already given a corned beef?  “Nah, the corned beef is colored red sir” the IDP relplied. It is naturally colored red since it is a meat, I countered. Nah, sir the ‘chorizo” is red, so I am afraid eating that corned beef.

Though there is an effort especially among the government agencies and private entities, there is need to beef up the communication to identify specifically the intervention to be delivered and needed and in sharing the available resources.

The IDPs are victims, there are of things we must consider when we deliver help and services, do they really need it, is cultural context considered, and how can we help in rebuilding and integrating them back to the mainstream communities? As they say, people's first,  the IDPs knows their concern, the solution to it but they need help for the resources, let us listen and  and  offer  our helping hands and our shoulders for them to lean  in rebuilding their lives and their dreams.

When I am Thinking of Giving Up

Tatay and Steffano (Gudo)

It’s 2 am, just finish giving him his meal through   NGT and dressing his trach neck surgery, and  landed my back in bed  tired  from running here and there  tiredly making sure during the whole day routine that very quarter of the hour his BP and oxygen level were monitored, his medications were prepared and administered carefully and on time,and  making sure he is comfortable in bed to avoid bedsores and back pain.  I was about to shut my eyes, when he cough profusely, I   have  to stand up to make sure his naso – respiratory pipes will not be clogged and no phlegm or sativa on his neck or shirt  before I will go sleep.

Sometimes, I am in hurry to finish my late meal when suddenly, I need to change his diaper, oh oh. I am upset and tired sometimes, also bored already smelling the antiseptic   and sterilized odor of the hospital, or washing  his  soiled clothes and towels with whatever bodily mucus on it.  Do I have to run away? But where?  Who will do it. The only consolation that I must remind myself, hey young man, he did not complain when your young and helpless. Thank God, the Cowboy is my father. He will be home soon, he misses it, and hr. keeps on telling me through lip reading his lips as he tried to speak but voice will come out that he is hungry and craving food though I just feed him to NGT and he is already complaining he is hungry, I know the ordeal because I went through the same situation ages ago. I feel guilty, eating with so much gusto, savor the flavor and aroma but he can’t.  Hope soon he will get better and better. Today is raining and the people are busy preparing the field for sowing and planting  seeds,  as it is the beginning of the planting season, it is also another beginning for Cowboy and me, it’s is almost 4 am. Wanted to doze off and take a nap for an hour or two we will start the same routine again and hope there will be some miracles to happen as we worked on it to happen with the HIS healing mercies.

.

Thy Father's Son

My youngest sister  Maymay attending to Tatay after we transferred him to to the HRU ..

Ooops! I go beyond the hospital drop off point, I suppose to get off immediately in front of the hospital along the national high way but I fall asleep due to fatigue. I have to hurriedly get a tricycle to bring me back to the hospital clutching the medicines that I have to source outside the hospital pharmacy and travelled to another city just to get these tiny   but prize medicines that my Tatay needs. Tomorrow will be a month that change our lives as siblings, for me personally and being back in town that I left and visited only a few times   that includes my   younger brother and my Nanay (mother) funerals since I was sixteen years old, though the landscape did not change but a lot of things I have to rediscover, almost everything is strange including the societal dynamics.

 After nine beautiful years of serving as an international volunteer where I love and like my work so much helping others, I realized if I do things for others why I cannot do it to the man that I love so much, my father.  As I stroked his graying hairs, I admired his beautiful age lines, age lines that tells many stories of failures, lessons learned and successes, like the work that I did in the development work that span that more than the timeline of my career work that I spend in the mainstream world.

There my man, the cowboy that I admired, my hero, laying in the hospital bed helpless, hooked in the tubes that aid his breathing and reviving him to life, the very tubes that witness to my regrets and angst when I am alone with him.  A lifelong lesson keeps on demonizing that time is precious, and presence and quality time is more that gold, that family is the only thing that you have that some people are too selfish to demand that you have to give them time only when they do not know that other people who needs your attention too and that money counts up to the last centavo.

There are things that we cannot believe that we cannot do but actually we will amaze that we can do it. I cannot believe that I had piggy back him personally passing through the slippery rice paddies that for years never tried to set foot for almost two kilometers to reaching the rescue car considering that I am just allowed to carry not more ten kilograms due to my medical conditions and the confidence to approach friends to help us through the financial obligations to meet meteoric hospital bills that keeps going, but money is not that significant to me anymore, I just wanted to have him.

For weeks he is in the ICU, now in the HRU where I have to  do basically all the health care regiments with the aid of the allied and medical practitioners, where my desire to be a medical doctor was ignited back, every moments counts, making sure that contaminations  will be controlled, everything must be sterilized and the doses of antibiotics will be shots in exact timelines, making sure that  trach care is administered rightly, watching all the vital signs using the  monitoring and  the making sure the devices are well in place, a little error is fatal. He has aneurysm due to the bursting of his blood vessel on the right side of his brain that left his left side of the body paralyze.

Sometimes I am upset, I want everything to be precise and on time, and maintain the highest quality control, it brings me back how I take care of those little, tiny creatures in tissue culture lab, now I am dealing with the life of my own father. Sometimes, I cannot help to be upset and intolerant because of physical fatigue, and then I realized how patience my tatay and nanay when I was a baby, so helpless and so dependent on them when I throw my childish tantrums. If I manage to be tolerant and patience with people who are totally strangers to me why I can’t do it to the man who gives me flesh and blood and complete my being.

Two more days, we will be a month now in our new home address, the hospital. I am hoping things will be normalize, but what is normal to a bionic man? I am facing with plenty of challenges,  my Tatay  will be discharge soon when I signed the waiver to bring him home to continue his medical and  comfort care  there, are we going to finish renovating his  room on time into a home ICU, can I provide him the other machines that we need to prepare before they will allow us to get out, do I still have the resources when  almost the insurances are drain and still working on our loan applications  to take ages to process to sustain his medical needs, how I am going to deals with the hospital billings that is more than my  life saving as a volunteer in the last nine years? And how to deal with the dilemma that if they will not release us, our bills continue to inflate?  Ah, I am hopeful that the universe will align and how about dealing those people who are bitter telling us that is   a bad karma? No, I do not have time and I am not hurt with them, it is actually a good karma, getting rid of those people that makes our lives bitter and uncomfortable. One thing that I treasured and appreciate, I am blessed to have siblings to lean on, few family and trusted friends who bears with me the pain and give us understanding, the joy and the realizations on how to celebrate the beauty of life and to them I am forever grateful and I am super grateful to the Supreme Being who allow me to experience this things, I believe that something more beautiful will happen soon and more blessings to come.  I remain forever grateful to your understanding and trust; we will cross the bridge when we get there.